10 November 2010

I prefer happy endings if you know what I mean...

Alright so look folks...I love a happy ending. I can't help myself. If I'm watching a movie or reading a book and there is a sad ending I get really mad and just that one tiny part of the plot will ruin the entire book/movie for me. It's true. Well recently I was watching a movie that I had prepared myself for...I knew it would be sad--there just wasn't any way around that--but I wasn't prepared for the stupidity of the sadness. I absolutely hate it when characters die for no good reason!
WARNING: This post contains spoilers.

Here's what I'm talking about folks:

It all started when I got A Single Man from Netflix. I was excited to watch this movie because of the sexiness that is Colin Firth. I knew ahead of time it was going to be sad...I mean it's about a man who loses his love. The entire movie follows George (Colin Firth) throughout one day. It's been 8 months since his partner of 16 years has died and he can't deal. He fully intends to kill himself. He prepares the entire day to do this. He lays out his clothes to be buried in, he gets all his important documents out of the bank safe deposit box, he writes farewell letters to all the people he loves, and he has one last meal with his BFF. Enter hunky college student who is seeking a little older man lovin and George starts to realize he can heal from his hurt. He starts to see a future...he comes to a place of acceptance if you will. He locks away the gun and throws his suicide notes in the fire and sighs a giant sigh of relief. You can literally see the weight leaving him....................................and then he reaches for a glass of water, has a heart attack, and dies. Stupid! Don't they know that can't just kill of Mr. Darcy with a stupid heart attack?!?! The thing that pissed me off most was that his whole journey was to discover that there was life to live...and then he dies of a heart attack?!? What kind of message does that send to people who are contemplating suicide? Life sucks anyway, you're going to die anyway, maybe in a couple of seconds so just do it already? Stupid.

I was irate! And then I got to thinking...it's not just this movie...oh no...there are others. Here are just a few I thought of without having to think too in-depth:

Atonement. A movie about a somewhat forbidden love affair. The whole movie is centered around this great love Robbie and Cecilia have for each other but because of Cecilia's bratty and nosey sister everything is derailed. Robbie gets accused of bad things and it's like the freaking Salem Witch Trials. In the end they find their way back to each other...they never stop loving each other and the finally get to have their great love............................except that they don't...because they both DIED. Robbie died of some war injury and Cecilia died in a water/bomb incident. Stupid. Just let them be happy already...but I guess any relationship that begins with sex in a library is doomed from the beginning right?

And then there's this little gem:

"Run, Forrest! Run!" was a catch phrase for a hot minute and it was spoken by none other than Jenny. Forrest Gump and Jenny didn't have an immediate love affair, though Forrest loved her from day 1. Fast forward a few years and Forrest gets big, saves some guy named Ryan, gets AIDS, and solves the mystery of the Holy Grail.....oh wait...what really happens is he plays some ping-pong and meets a shrimp-lovin guy named Bubba. Oh yeah...and he still loves Jenny. They finally hook up and get married and they live happily ever after.....................until Jenny dies of a "virus" that we all know is really AIDS. Stupid! They're supposed to be like peas and carrots dangit!

And who can forget:

Brokeback Mountain is the story of two buddies who like to go fishin in the mountains......oh yeah, and occassionally they have sex with each other. Jack and Ennis develop and intense love for each other but Ennis can't tell Jack because he can only speak in one-syllable words...oh, and because of the whole "no gay people allowed" clause of the 60s, 70s, and 80s. So they just meet up every so often to "fish" until the day Ennis finds out that Jack left his wife and they're running away together.............except that he's DEAD. He died in a freak "tire accident" which is code for some ignorant fools beat him to death. Stupid! I just can't understand why movies always have this in their plots. You know what else I can't do? I can't quit Jake Gyllenhaal.

And don't even get me started on the whole Sun/Jin debacle from Lost:

The whole thing is so stupid I can't even speak of it...

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